Can you help?

I need you, Dear Readers, to help a friend and fellow blogger. You should really read this post from Revanche - first. Go ahead, I'll be waiting here when you get back.

The blogging/internet community has always come together to help one of it's own, and I know we'll all come together for this, too.

Even if all you have is $5 hanging around in your PayPal account, it will be appreciated. Every little bit helps.

I wanted to also mention that Revanche has not asked for any financial aid. Nope - she just wanted to talk through the pain and frustrations she's feeling via her blog post (the one I sent you to read in the first paragraph). When I read that post, all I wanted to do was help. So Fabulously Broke (FB) and I decided we'd try to alleviate some of the financial stress this situation is undoubtedly weighing on Revanche.

Can you help?

I copied and pasted FB's post which you can read at her site via the link in the above paragraph.

As you may or may not know, Revanche who writes at A Gai Shan Life, and is a administrator of the Carnival of Personal Finance (bet you didn’t know that!) is going through a pretty difficult time right now.

She doesn’t talk about it much (bless her heart), and she’s a pretty tough cookie.

Over my blogging time, I have been growing closer and closer to her, and even without meeting her IRL (in real life), I consider her to be one of my closest confidantes.

This is the situation:

If you could just take some time to read one of her very rare, honest and well-written posts here, you will understand just a little bit about what she has been going through for the past couple of years now.

For the past three years, my family’s been struggling with the reality of living with a family member developing dementia.

It’s the latest in a series of health problems, beginning with diabetes that went undiagnosed for years which led to a number of complications including high blood pressure, strokes, damaged eyesight, impaired nerve function.

She also developed kidney problems, an inability to sleep, and neurological problems (constant vertigo, impaired judgment, short and long term memory loss).

Congruent with my dad’s inability to hold a job and her guilt over my supporting the family, we added anxiety and depression to an already volatile mix.

Every day is a new struggle.

It’s not just Sisyphean, trying to keep the boulder moving forward from day to day without letting it slip and crush us all; it’s also a Promethean epic of facing a rotating set of behaviors that range from destructive, to adolescent, to vehement worrying.

She’s still a mother at heart, that instinct still lives but it lashes out destructively, pathetically, wishfully.

The woman I live with is my mom, but not really. This isn’t the person who raised me. But she’ll always be my mother so I’ll always provide for her.

He’s [Her father] had to turn down job offers with a decent salary but no benefits because according to the Social Security folks, if he earns as much as $600 a month, she will lose all her disability benefits AND her medical care.

The latter is critical because as much as I would prefer to purchase independent health insurance for her, no insurance company will touch her.

Even if I could afford upwards of $1500/month, which I can’t right now, she wouldn’t be covered for any of her existing conditions.

Family members have counseled him to consider divorcing her so that he can separate his finances from hers and maybe start to dig himself out of this hole without causing her to lose all her care.

He can’t wrap his mind around the thought; I can’t believe that my family has come to that.

If you are a regular A Gai Shan Life reader, you will know that these kinds of posts are rare.

I am talking like.. once in every 3 months or less, she’ll open up and write something so raw and honest, it tugs at your heart strings.

Here’s the short summary:

• She is unemployed, which means that there is no steady income coming in
• She’s not on unemployment — she’s been cut off
• The job prospects are slim
• …yet she is single-handedly supporting her whole family
• So she made a decision and is currently in school to get the education required
• Her father cannot work, or her mother will lose her much needed medical benefits
• They’re running ragged trying to watch an adult not quite in her right mind 24/7
• …and getting exhausted (you think watching a child is tough, this to me, is worse)
• Her brother is …for lack of a nicer word, useless in every which way and form
  
• She isn’t getting help from anyone (not just financially — physically and emotionally)
• She is not asking for a cure, or a lifetime donation

Wait, she has more money than me… : \

I know it is going to cross your mind at one point or another, so I am going to address it for anyone who has any doubts.

If you read her blog, yes she has a high net worth, around $100,000.

Heck, she has more money than ME!

But it’s also her family’s net worth, if you think about it.

It’s their whole life savings for 3 adults.

It goes to pay for her parents retirement AND her retirement, bills, mortgage, any medical expenses or anything that may come up for the whole family.

In retrospect, it’s not a lot of money, considering two of the adults (her parents) who on average should be working to save for their own retirement, can’t for various reasons: her mother has dementia, and her father is running himself into the ground trying to watch her 24/7, so she doesn’t sneak out of the house, hurt someone or hurt herself.

She’s trying to take care of 3 adults’ financial situation, all on her own and to hold it together while currently being UNEMPLOYED.

Need I remind you how young she is? I am not trying to sell a Suzy Sob Story here, but even I am wondering if I could ever become that mature to take on everything she’s done so far and not feel resentful or just run away from the situation and pretend it doesn’t exist, like her brother.

She had a choice to do it or not, but really….it’s never a true choice when it comes to your family.

So yes. You may have asked: “Why would I donate money to someone who has more than me!?“

Well, maybe because you are feeling generous today. I hope!

You recognize that in the long-term, she has a mother who will never recover from dementia, and it is a lifelong disease that she and her family will have to take care of and manage all on their own.

Just thinking about the situation gives me a headache.

Imagine living with it, and the emotional, painful toll it takes on you on a daily basis, and knowing that you will have to take care of her for the rest of your life.

We’re not asking for everyone to chip in and pay for her mother’s care forever.

Ever little bit helps.

At the very least, it’s a gesture that we are here for her, anonymous some of us, and we’re part of a community of bloggers & readers who care.

So yes, she has the cash.

But it’s divided by three, and supported by only one working member of the family who can’t even work right now because she’s currently unemployed & going to school full-time.

You don’t have to donate if you cannot afford it or don’t want to.

That’s totally fine.

Some of you can’t afford to even make your own bills, and that’s understandable.

But at the very least, if you know of resources or areas where she can access, please let her know and offer her help in other ways.

It’s kind of tough having to take the weight of it all out on your own, especially considering how young she is (in her 20s).

But if you want to, send all donations via Paypal directly to Revanche:

revanche.gs@gmail.com

If you don’t want to send the money directly to her for whatever reason (to stay Anonymous or whatever), you can also send it to Fabulously Broke at:

brokeinthecity@gmail.com

And she will pass it on.

(But please keep in mind that I think she’d love to thank you personally…)

Thanks.

What's In YOUR Closet?

So Revanche of A Gai Shan Life and Krystal of Give Me Back My Five Bucks recently posted about the footwear they own, and I liked that idea, so I'm doing it as well.

When I started retrieving various shoes and boots from their respective places around the house, and arranging them in rows, I was somewhat embarrassed to realize just how many pieces of footwear I own. Or maybe this isn't too bad. What do you think?

The grand total is 14 pairs, plus a pair of slippers not pictured.

Top row, left to right:

• Walmart brand basic black shoes that were given to me by my sister to use for catering. Worn rarely. Comfortable enough. No points in the looks department. Acquired a year or more ago. FREE
• Sorel snow boots. Parents bought all of us kids a pair probably 18 years ago (don't judge, they still fit, and fit nicely!) when we were planning a trip to Walloper Lake for New Years. FREE
  
• Walmart brand knee high boots with a super chunky 3 inch heel - don't fear all of the lacing, there's hidden zippers on the insides of the legs. I wear these boots everywhere. They are unbelievably comfortable and their toe shape suits me perfectly. I think they're totally awesome. Acquired last fall. $40
• um...yes, that is a second pair of the Walmart brand knee high boots. They only come out once a year, and because they are so affordable, I buy two pairs at once so that I have a 'backup'. *ahem* Acquired last fall. $40
• Colin Stuart buttery soft leather knee high stiletto boots with a 3 inch heel. I salivated over these boots for a while and when they went on sale, snapped them up. Rarely wear them because they are uncomfortable like crazy. Limpingly uncomfortable. They are so sexy though!! Acquired 4 or more years ago. $100

Middle row, left to right:

• Airwalks. Worn frequently. Comfortable. I like the tiny bit of pink. Acquired 4 or more years ago. $30
• Suzy Shier patent pumps with a 3 inch heel. Bought them at the same store where I purchased a fancy dress for a friend's wedding. Worn once, so far. Actually pretty comfortable, not bad looking - I like that they are shiny (ooh, shiny thing!). Acquired late last summer. $20
• Ellie open toe platform patent pumps with a 5 inch heel. Saw them online. These typically um...don't leave the house. Fierce. Acquired 4 or more years ago. $40
• Penmans very basic black pump with kitten heel. Needed dress shoes for work while I was pregnant and couldn't fit into any of my usual footwear. They're comfortable but definitely not pretty. Functional. Acquired late summer 2007. $20
• Sears brand peep toe pumps with kitten heel. My wedding shoes. Worn once since the wedding. They'd be a lot more comfortable if the clear part of the shoes wasn't hard plastic (not mentioned in the catalogue!). Suited the scheme of the wedding and matched Papa Bear's shoe color (he got the Fluevogs...). Acquired summer 2005. $20

Bottom row, left to right:

• my Chucks from Converse. Husband bought these for me as a birthday gift. I don't wear them often because in my opinion, they make me look like I have massive thighs. I love them though, they're very much awesome. Acquired 2006. $50
• random pair of pretty awful kitten heel sandals. One of the heels has ripped completely off and overall, they are past their prime. Think I'm going to get rid of them later today. Never wear anymore, but they were comfortable when I did. Acquired 5 or more years ago. $? - they may have actually been my Mom's at one point?
  
• basic black flip flops. Needed these for our California trip. In the right weather, worn almost daily. Comfortable, and they're not ugly. Acquired spring 2009. $15
• Airwalk sweater-ish slip on things. They were touted as shoes but in no way shape or form would I wear these farther than my front door. Completely stiff soles that force you to over lift your feet when you walk, or they slap-drag behind you. I use them as my smoking shoes when I step outside, rather than my house slippers. Worn regularly. Acquired 3 or more years ago. $30

So what do you think? Do I have too many shoes? Do I need more shoes??

The One About The Doctor Appointment

Lookit me, two personal posts in a row...whassamatter with me??

Ginger subtly hinted that she liked to see personal posts so that's going to be something I'll be working on from now on. I hope I don't bore you!

If you follow me on Twitter, you'll remember me Tweeting about the ultrasound I had done a few weeks ago, the stressful weekend after receiving a phone call from the doctor's office, and the subsequent doctor's visit. Well, it turns out I have a gallstone. Lovely! My doctor stated that I had two options: Surgery to remove the gall bladder completely or embark on a zero fat zero sugar diet and hope the stone dissolves in five to ten years. Er...and option three?

I'd rather not go through surgery and I'd rather like to keep my gall bladder, and the idea of completely changing our lifestyle for an unlikely possibility doesn't really appeal to me. I told my GP that I'd like to think about it and that I would let him know. He actually expected an answer, right then. He also told me that it's not if I would need surgery, it was when. No, I'm not a schooled doctor. But I refuse to believe that ripping out yet another one of my few remaining organs is the only solution.

From the little bit of research I did online, and via a link sent to me by the lovely Revanche, I see several non surgical possibilities, that as of yet I do not know whether or not are open to me.

• first up is a strange olive oil-epsom salt-apple cider-lemon zest routine spread out over five days. It is designed to first soften the gallstone itself, then cause the gall bladder to contract, and hopefully, spit out the stone. It sounds disgusting and I won't try it unless my doctor gives me the go ahead safety wise, even if he doesn't think it will work. I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be a good idea for a larger stone - what would happen to the stone after the gall bladder spits it out?
  
• second is an oral dissolution therapy, which basically means take drugs to hopefully dissolve the stone. The drugs are Actigall and Chenix. This may only work on smaller stones, and only those made of cholesterol. I am not sure if I have a cholesterol stone or another type - we don't eat a terribly high fat diet but I am aware that I consume too much sugar, another gallstone trigger. This treatment can take months and gallstones will re occur if the underlying condition causing them is not addressed.
• my Dad mentioned lithotripsy to me the afternoon after the doctor appointment, and it too was listed under the non surgical treatments. Shock waves blast the stone into pieces which allows them to pass through the bile duct and into the small intestine, after which you 'pass' them.

You might be wondering why I care so much about my gall bladder. Who cares, right? Just have it removed and I'll be forever free of the emergency room visits, the debilitating pains that wake me in the middle of the night, the vomiting, the intense aching pre and post back spasms, the numerous bottles of knock-out pain medication...

Well...I'd like to keep my gall bladder for a couple of reasons.

First: I'm already missing a kidney (born with just one), which resulted in the rest of my organs shifting around inside of me. One of my ovaries was removed almost ten years ago in a full open surgery (I went in with the impression it was going to be a simple laproscopic day surgery) that kept me in the hospital for a week and several weeks of at home, somewhat uncomfortable recovery. I don't want to willingly give up any more body parts, thankyouverymuch.

Second: The gall bladder is actually a necessary (albeit minor) organ, despite what you might hear about it. It's not like your appendix (why do we have that one again?). Quite simply, the gall bladder stores and concentrates bile, and bile digests fats, cholesterol and some vitamins. Yes, the liver also secretes bile - but the gall bladder is also a storage facility - allowing for greater efficiency in fat digestion. Removing it allows bile to drip constantly but not to store it up.

Third: Damnit, I just want to keep my gall bladder!!! After the removal, there are side effects that vary from person to person. Loose bowels (oh joy), weight gain, slower metabolism, lack of energy, more susceptible to illness, and more.

I'm feeling really...frustrated, I think. We don't eat poorly, and don't eat fatty foods terribly often. Yes, we do order pizza occasionally, and very, very rarely will grab a fast food burger - but other than that, we eat quite well. Of course we could always include more fruits and veggies in our diet, but who couldn't. I'm young, fairly active and aside from a nasty cigarette habit I consider myself of average health. No matter what my weight is I always feel I could lose a few pounds, but again, who doesn't. So why me?

Go ahead - accuse me of mistreating my body. Perhaps in my younger years, yes, I was too reckless and indifferent about my alcohol consumption, drug use and food choices. Maybe I didn't drink enough water, or get enough fiber. Perhaps my estrogen levels haven't gone down since I was pregnant. My Dad had gall stones - it's been mentioned there could be a genetic link.

I've been thinking about all of this all week, and won't be able to fully understand all of my options until I speak with my doctor again. Tomorrow I'm calling his office to book an appointment for first thing next week.